Short, silly and no sense what so ever
by Kioa
Summary: What if the Dragon Slayers only went to Hawaii instead of dying? A senseless, but apparently funny fic of what would happen. PG for language


Whoot. 'Tis, like, over a year since I wrote this and I'm FINALLY gettin' around to writing a sequel. Just made the fic a bit easier to read now.

And how many people want a sequel?

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"THIS IS FOR BALGUS!" The enraged king screamed. Dilandau stood back, watching as his beloved Dragon Slayers become blue flames in Van's demonic attacks.

"Lord Dilandau. gurgle, gurgle.!" The dying screams of Chesta (It's Gatti's voice, I say, Gatti!!) reached to the pyro's ears. Fear overtook Dilandau's body as he backed away, trembling.

"Stay a- WAAAAAAAAAAAY!" He shrieked, firing his cremi claws to Van. They didn't seem to phase the hated enemy and Dilandau had no where to turn.

-Meanwhile, on a plane-

"Man, am I glad that we made it!" Chesta cheered happily, stretching his arms over himself before resting them against his blonde head. The thirteen Dragon Slayers, stripped of their armor and wearing only the under clothing (Tank tops and pants, not undies you perverts!), were seated comfortably in a plane on the Mystic Moon, Earth. They were in Japan and were heading for their few months of peace and relaxation in Hawaii!

Guimel nodded to Chesta, a wide smile upon his sheep-like face, "Yeah! That girl really helped us. I mean, I'm surprised that Mystic Moon Bit-"

"Girl." Gatti interrupted Guimel, giving him a stern eye.

"DEMON!" The guy with glasses screamed, suddenly popping out of no where. The little man looked scared, "That girl is a DEMON I say, a DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" Gasp "MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!"

"A witch!"

"No, not a witch, an evil cute cuddly magical DAAAAAAAAAAANCING hamster disguised as a human!"

"Hamtaro !"

"A biscuit!"

"A tree!" All the Slayers stopped their playful banter, turning to the blushing Chesta, "What? She has brown hair and pale skin. It's kinda... Like... A... Tree?" Soon, he was bombarded with suitcases and fists galore.

-Meanwhile, at the guymelef thingie-

"Dilandau, what happened?" Folken asked Dilandau in his incredibly sexy and cool and awesome and way wicked-Er, voice as the captain shakily stepped away from the guymelef. Dilandau quickly stuck out his chest, holding his chin high to look intimidating to Folken, who is a few inches higher than the silver haired captain. Good luck!

"Your brother! That bitc-"

"Boy." Folken interrupted Dilandau, giving him a stern eye.

Dilandau paused, growling as his hands formed fists of rage, "Whatever! He killed them! All of them!!. ...All of them." His angry tone turned sad, the fire in his eyes dying down somewhat. Folken placed a hand upon the red armor, but Dilandau shrugged him away, turning up the fire once more. (PUMP UP DA VOLUME!)

"THAT SMART AS- BUTT KILLED ALL OF MY PRECIOUS DRAGON SLAYERS! THAT STUPID, VILE, DISGUSTING LITTLE PRIC-WINKIE KILLED THEM ALL!" Dilandau felt like slapping someone and without thinking, slapped Folken across the face. The blue haired man stared in shock, holding his red hand printed cheek. Dilandau paused, astonished at his rash behavior.

In the blink of an eye, Folken quickly slapped Dilandau back, yelling, "Who's your daddy!?" Before long, the two began a cat fight, slapping one another in the face.

"You sissay!" Folken yelled at Dilandau, slapping him across the face.

"Yeah, Tear Boy?! At least I'm not crying all the time, boo hoo hoo!"

Slap!

"I'll make ya cry!"

Slap!

"Bring it on!"

Slap!

"I KILL YOU!"

Slap!

"Why I oughta.!"

Slap!

"Fuc-" Slap, slap!

Both of Folken's cheeks were bright red as the intercom suddenly turned on.

"FOLKEN, DILANDAU, LORD DORNKIRK WISHES TO SEE BOTH OF YOU"

The two looked at each other, their cheeks swollen and their eyes squinting as they said together, "Uh-oh."

-Meanwhile, at the hotel-

"LOOKIT ME!! I'M SURFIN' DA WAVES!!" Guimel, dressed in bright pink swimsuits and Barney flip-flops, stood in front of a colored picture of a wave that he drew. He balanced himself on an ironing board, his arms stretched out to his sides.

"WIPE OUT!" Dallet screamed, over turning Guimel's 'surfboard'. The sheep haired youth fell to the ground with a satisfying THUD, rubbing his sore bottom. Dallet snickered heartily, unpacking his bags in the hotel room.

"Man! Why'd I hafta be stuck in a room with YOU?" Guimel whined , ripping the piece of paper from the wall and throwing it into the trash can.

In the adjacent room, Gatti and Chesta were unpacking their own bags, having a WONDERFUL time talking about BIKINIS!!!!

"And I heard that LOTS of girls take off the top to sun bathe!" Gatti said hungrily, licking his lips. Chesta's eyes were large and a great blush was upon his little face. Such things for his virgin ears to hear!! A knock came to their door and Chesta thankfully got up and opened it. Only to be tackled over by none other than Miguil!

Gatti laughed and tackled onto them, screaming, "DRAGON PILE!!!" Soon, the room was filled with scantily dressed Dragon Slayers all tackling each other on the floor. Skin rubbed against skin as their legs got tangled in one another's arms. Their sweat mixed with each other's as well as they continued to wither and squirm around each other. Soon, their lips pressed against-

(("HEY!! WE'RE NOT GAY!! Stop writing about yaoi, you PERVERT!" The Dragon Slayers screamed at the writer. Dern. BUT the writer would like to note that MOST OF THEM were BLUSHING!! 'CAUSE YOU ALL LIKE IT! OH YES, GET IT ON!! WHOO!!!))

-Meanwhile, at the spank- Er, Viole.-

Dilandau walked away from Lord Dornkirk's chamber, rubbing his sore bottom. By orders of his esteemed ruler, he had to be spanked by a guard, as well as Folken. The Draconian wasn't looking too pleased either as he marched angrily from the chamber, marching directly to his room.

"Stupid little... Geezer. I don't need... Stupid spanking." Dilandau muttered. He walked into his room, looking about it.

Sighing and wanting something to drink, he yelled, "Gatti, get in here!" A few minutes passed and the familiar blonde was no where in sight.

Dilandau's anger grew as he screamed some more, "GATTI, GET IN HERE! I FRIGGIN' WANT SOMETHING TO FRIGGIN' DRINK! GAAAAAAATIIII- Wait. He's dead." Tears came to Dilandau's eyes as he grabbed the closest thing near him and threw it blindly. The vase of red roses smashed against his precious stuffed Charizard, smashing the stuffed toy to pieces.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO! NOT CHARIE!! CHAAAAAARIEE!!!" He wailed, picking up a rose. Sniffling, he decided to throw the one single rose survivor over the ship, dedicated to his stuffed toy.

"Not meeeeeeeee. Don't pick meeeeeee!" A small, high-pitched voice came to Dilandau's head. Figuring that the voice was one of the many in his head, he merely shrugged it off, walking to the guymelef hangar thingie. Little did he know, the rose, which was the High Ruler of Roses in Vases Kingdom, was the last of her kind. Her pleading eyes looked up at the silver haired boy, who was staring at the ground millions upon miles below them. He was muttering something to himself as the rose quivered in his hand, looking down below her.

Before she could utter another word though, HE THREW HER! Down, down she went, screaming, "I'LL GET YOU, YOU PATHETIC HUMAN!! YOU'LL NEVER ESCAPE THE WRATH OF MEEEEEEEE!! MEEEEEEEEE! MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-" SPLAT! And there goes the-Eh, who cares?! It's just a rose!

-Meanwhile, at the beach-

"Look at that one!"

"A bit to the left."

"Look, look! Wow, look at the size of those!!"

"Yeah, right there." Insert grunting noises, "Harder."

"Man, I want some of THAT."

"HARDER!" Gatti and Dallet looked up from their 'bird watching' and looked over at Miguil and Chesta with wide eyes. Miguil's back greeted them, sitting upon Chesta's cute lil' bottom! Gatti's mouth dropped, thinking what any average pervert would as Dallet looked clueless.

"What are you two DOING?!" Gatti asked, astonished. Miguil looked behind himself at the blonde Slayer, blinking in confusion.

"What?"

"YOU'RE HAVING SEX?!... WITHOUT ME?!"

(("WHAT DID WE SAY ABOUT THE YAOI?!" Once again, the writer is yelled at. So with a heavy heart. sniffle The writer must change the scene. D-G-IT, NOTHING IS WRONG WITH YAOI!!))

"What? I'm just digging up some clams!" Miguil held up a pale, already filled with the small thingies.

"On top of Chesta?" Dallet added, finally getting a clue to how perverted the writer can be.

"He keeps trying to run away from them! I'm showing him that they're harmless. Right, Che-"

"IT'S GONNA EAT ME!" Soon, Miguil was eating sand as Chesta ran, followed by dozens of little clams. The three Dragon Slayers blinked collectively before shrugging. Gatti and Dallet returned to their 'bird watching', with Miguil as well.

"Dude. Um... Guy with Glasses!" Guimel asked his fellow Slayer. The guy turned to him, dressed in nothing more but a thong. Shudder everybody at the sight of hairy legs and pale, pale skin!

"Yes, Sheep Boy?" He asked, frowning. His study of the crabs under the sand wasn't doing too well, since he kept losing them to Chesta, who had somehow gotten ALL of the creatures on the beach mad at him. Presently, he was running across the dunes, chased by itty bitty clams, small crabs and pooping sea gulls. Let's just say the people he ran by weren't too happy with their new hair 'high lights'. Anyway, back to Sheep Boy and Guy with Glasses.

"I'm not Sheep Boy!" Guimel glared at Guy with Glasses (Hey, I dun know his name! Do you?).

"Well my name isn't Guy with Glasses!" Guy with Glasses replied, just as angry.

"Fine then, THONG BOY!"

"You better take that back!"

"Make me!"

"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!" Chesta's voice soon reached the two fighting Slayers, as well at the sound of approaching doom. Somehow, he had gotten ALL of the island's bird population angry, as well as the crabs, lobsters, clams and God knows what else! Guimel jumped into Guy with Glasses arms, hugging tightly. Both of their eyes were wide at the wave of cawing and snapping.

"Say good-bye, Thong Boy."

"Good-bye." The AOL voice came out of no where. Wait, what?! How'd that get in here?! Oh well, it's about to be destroyed by bird poop. MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

-Meanwhile, at the lab with the freaky scientists-

"Inject more."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO- OW! DAMNIT THAT HURT!!"

"Did he just swear?"

"Uh... Um... No, I didn't!! I said DARNIT, not DAMNIT! Er, oops."

"YOU'RE GONNA GET A SPANKING YOU BAD, BAD BOY. Girl. Wait, you're a boy, right? But you have breasts. Um. YOU IT!"

"NO, NO! Anything thing bu- I HAVE BOOBS?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

-Meanwhile, away from the scariness of the man boobs in Hawaii-

Chesta sleepily yawned in his snug bed. The windows were wide open and he lay sprawled amongst tangled white sheets on his belly. He stared at the ocean through his window, the pacifying sound of waves lulling him to sleep. Some well-deserved sleep, especially after his ordeal! All over his body were marks from bird beaks, crab claws and clam shells. To top it all off, his back was covered with REALLY bad sunburn. While the other Slayers were out surfing or 'bird watching', he was having a tour over the island. While running madly from deadly, unstoppable, PMSy animals! Oh well, maybe tomorrow would get better.

"CANNON BALL ON CHESTA!!" Miguil screamed on the top of his lungs. Or not.

-Meanwhile, still in the freaky labs-

A tired old man held up another ink blot to the boy in front of him, almost regretting to ask the question he had become to loathe.

"And what does this look like?"

"You being burned by FIIIIIRE." The sexy, scary and over all spooky grin was on the pale skin once more. Dilandau sat in his chair, his knees held to his chest, his eager face grinning ghastly like as various tubes ran from his body onto some portable blood thingies.

"C'mon, ask me another!!"

"What's this?"

"YOU BEING BURNED BY FIRE!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"

"Very funny." A clock suddenly rang as the man finished his sentence. Without saying another word, ZIP! He was out of the door before you can say "Moero!". Dilandau leapt from his chair, his unstable brain a TAD bit on the berserk side. Fishing throughout his shirt, he brought out a small match. His eyes lighting up, he jumped onto the desk, holding the match above his head.

"NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I WILL SHOW YOU HOW TO BUUUUUUURN STUFF!" He screamed, running the head across the wood. Fire sprouted from the tip as he flung it across the papers on the desk.

"BURN, BURN, BURN, BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURN!!" Soon, fire surrounded the pyro as he danced eagerly, singing a song that goes like this.

"I'M SINGING IN THE FIRE! JUST SINGING IN THE FIRE!! WHAT A GLOOOOOMY DAY TO BE! SINGING IN THE FIRE!!"

(("What?! I'd never do that! This is ludicrous! That isn't what happened!!" The writer is beginning to get ticked off with these interruptions!! Doesn't anyone think this is funny so far?!

"NO!" Dilandau, the Slayers, Folken and EVERYONE else screams (Except for those brave few. I thank you!) And so the writer continues.))

"HAHAHAHA!! FIRE, BURN!! HAHAHA!"

"Okay Dilandau, enough of that. Time for a shot."

Dilandau's insane manner quickly turned frantic, "A shot!? NO! I get weird stuff on me! Last time I got boobies!!"

"No you didn't. That was an illusion."

"YES I DID!"

"NO, you didn't." The guy in white was beginning to get ticked off as he reached into his coat for Folken's tranquilizer serum to calm the hysterical pyro.

"Yes, yes! That's right, I had boobies!! LIKE A GIRL!" His voice was high pitched and insane, like on one of those movies!, "I'm not a girl, oh no, I'm not. Hehehe, not a girl. I buuuurn girls. Yes, yes. I burn, burn girls! I like to burn girls!. Wait, no. What are you doing? Stay away! NO, NO!! STOP!! I'LL SLAP YOU, YOU MAN WHO-" POKE! With that familiar poke of sleepiness Dilandau drops onto the desk, asleep.

-Meanwhile, at the Go-Kart tracks in Hawaii-

The Slayers had split into two groups: Chesta, Gatti, Miguil, Dallet, Viole, Guimel and Guy With Glasses on one team and all the nameless people on the other team. Of course, the other team isn't really important. They had fun and stuff. Yeah.

"Are you sure this is safe? And what about the other Slayers?" Chesta asked Gatti for the hundredth time in only two minutes. Gatti sighed, nodding his head.

"Yes Chesta. We'll just race around the track as the other Slayers play mini golf. Then when they race around, we'll play mini golf. Okay?" Gatti calmed the worried, bird eaten and Slayer flattened Chesta. He nodded and got into the car, a pink one numbed 13. You gotta know that's a bad sign.

Gatti got into his number 5 green car, Viole into purple 7, Miguil into black 0, Guimel into white 10 and Guy with Glasses into blue 6.

"Alright!! Last one finishing has to buy us a round if ICE CREAM!" Miguil laughed, revving up his car. Viole agreed as he placed his foot on the gas as well, an evil look coming upon his cute features. Red, yellow, green SPORK!

And off the Slayers went! Gatti and Chesta in the lead followed by Guy With Glasses and Miguil. Guimel, Viole and Dallet are all behind but what's this?! Viole is zooming past the two Slayers and coming up to Guy With Glasses. Oh good Lord, he's ramming into Blue #6! And there Guy With Glasses goes, hitting the side of the ramp! Whew! He's all right as he stumbles off of the track.

Chesta's laughter can be heard, actually finding something fun. Gatti is beside him, following the rules and not bumping into anyone. Miguil and Viole are now neck and neck behind the two blondes, growling and ramming into one another. Viole slams on the brakes on a turn, letting Miguil in mid-ram get in front of him. Then BAM! Viole pumps up da volume and slams Miguil, forcing the unruly Slayer spinning.

"Ah, no! Get outta the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-" CRASH! Dallet and Miguil collide, sending tires and bodies flying! Guimel slowly comes around, grinning at his slow pace.

"Hehe, see you!" He waves, thinking to himself ,'Slow and steady wins the race. I love Goofy!' As you can see, Guimel spent most of the night watching the Disney channel and A Goofy Movie happened to be on. Eheh, so Guimel wants to go to Disney Land! Whee! Back to the race, Viole is coming up fast to Gatti, his hair flying about him as an evil gleam much like Dilandau comes to his eyes. Gatti looked behind him, gulped and tried to speed up. But it was no use, his foot was already pressing on the gas as far as it could go. Him and Chesta were doomed.

-Meanwhile, in Dilly's room ((MY NAME IS NOT DILLY!))-

"All dead." Jajuka answered Dilandau's shaky questions. The boy seemed to stare at him, but not fully realizing that the dog man was there. That is until the wineglass hit Jajuka's doggie beard.

'Argh! That stain will, like, NEVER come out!' Jajuka though to himself, but kept his face placid. Uh... Insert the actual conversation here since the writer is a tad bit lazy and can't go from memory. Yeah. This was pretty much useless. Oh wait! Dilandau strips from his shirt, revealing his weird but sexy chest! So this wasn't a useless section! Falling to the ground, he breathes heavily.

'Uh. Okay, my new master is, like, a total psycho! Oh my Gawd! Did he just strip!? Like, that's just so. Like, wrong!' Jajuka thought to himself.

"I trust that my... Um... Whatever the rest of this sentence is?"

"Yes."

"This is going to be SUCH fun!"

'Man. And I just had my beard washed! This is like, so unfair!'

-Meanwhile, back at the race track-

"I'M COMING TO GET YOU CHESTA AND GATTI!" Viole cried loudly, laughing as if he were Dilandau.

"SQUEE!" Chesta squeed (Brought to you from Squee! from Jhonen Vasquez). Gatti and Chesta speed as fast as they can. Chesta laughs eagerly though as he sees the finish line only a few more meters away. But that is when everything goes wrong, no? Suddenly Pink 13 swerves sideways, hitting Gatti. The two cars' bumpers intertwine, leaving the two of them perfect targets for Viole.

"HAHAHA!!" He laughs, coming up beside them. Chesta, being closest to him, screams and cowers in his seat while Gatti frantically tries to pull back. Viole rams into them, laughing insanely. Unfortunately, Viole gets stuck as well. On no! So the threesome (Hehe. Threesome.) swerve and go completely haywire as they come to the finish line, passing it and winning the race with a big boom, a few cuts and bruises as well as a VERY large debt in go- kart damages!

-Meanwhile, on the other side of the island-

Somehow, Guimel had left the track and was riding around Hawaii in a pleasant way, waving to people and enjoying the little tour he directed for himself.

-Meanwhile, in the kitchen-

Viole mutters obscenities to himself as he cleans the dishes. Gatti is growling and making incoherent noises as he dries the dishes. Chesta whistles happily while licking his ice cream and putting away the dishes. All in all, a very nice day! Hahahaha.

Anyway, back at the mini golf "tournament".

"And Dallet steps up to the plate. The crowd is hushed in awe at his superior-"

"Dude, Dallet. This is only the third hole in MINI GOLF! NOT baseball!" Miguil groaned. He looked over at Guy with Glasses, who was reading the manual on how to operate a putter. Miguil groaned again.

"WHY am I stuck with these two?!"

"He makes a swing!" Dallet brought back his putter over his shoulder and WHAM! Set that little ball a flyin'. Into a really, really ticked off tourist.

"OW! Hey, who the HELL whacked this mother!?" A large over powering and obviously STINKY man stomped over to Dallet, who was shaking a bit, gulping in fear. Guy with Glasses and Miguil quickly pointed to the brown haired youth, taking a few steps back.

"Squee!" Dallet squeed.

-Meanwhile, in a graveyard-

"Celena?" Allen and Aeris gasped, standing back at the changed form of Celena. It was a guy!

'My God, MY SISTER IS A CROSS-DRESSER?!' Allen thought to himself in disgust and amazement.

'Wow, she's even better as a GUY.' Aeris thought to herself. Before either one of them could say anything though, the boy stood and began to scream.

"JAJUKA! JAJUKA! JAAAAAAAAAAAAJUUUUUUUUUKAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!"

'Ow, my ears!'

'Ow, my metallic ears!' A guymelef suddenly appeared and swept Dilandau into it's arms before disappearing, leaving the two Austurians in awe.

"Wow... Well, that was fast." Aeris said in amazement. Allen turned to her with a coy look upon his face.

"So, would you like to go and get something to eat?" He said smoothly. Aeris turned to him, astonished.

"You want to go out on a date after seeing that?!"

"Well, yes."

"... You're sick." And with that, she left. Allen smiled smugly though.

"Oh yeah, she wants me."

-Meanwhile... Stupid meanwhiles. THEY'RE STUIPID! This writer is getting her fingers cramped and having serious brain farts! This is gonna end, NOW! Only, it'll be different! MUAHAHA!!-

The Dragon Slayers had a blast on their vacation. Some got to see their wonderful bikinis, others got to have fun eating ice cream. And one derranged Dragon Slayer had fun riding a damned kart all around the island. Regardless, the Dragon Slayers were all excited to finally be back home.

Except Guy with Glasses. He got eaten by the big fat stinky man. Hey, don't blame me. SOMEONE had to be a sacrifice and Guy with Glasses was just the right size. Miguil was too hot and Dallet was too cold... Er, sorry. Miguil was too hot and Dallet was too fugly.

("Hey! That was mean!" Dallet screams. Yeah, well, your mother! HA!)

Anyway, uhm... Yeah... So where'd the writed leave off? OH YEAH! So they all come back into their esteemed ruler's throne room thingy, packed with strange shirts and suitases. They all gasped in excitement. Dilandau was back!! Ah, he's so hot, 'specially since the silver haired pyro was dressed in wicked S&M leather. The Slayers previous excitement sorta died down as they saw their leader's outfit. Everyone remained silent, staring in mixed horror and confusion.

It was a full six and a quarter minutes before Gatti spoke up, "Uhm... Lord Dilandau?"

"I AM NOT LOOOOOOOOOEEEEIIIIRD DILANDAU!" He shrieked, obvioiusly having had a TAAD bit too much of the Folken syrup, "I AM MASTER DILANDAU, RULER OF THE DILLYS!" Ahahahaha, my puns are witty! Needless to say, the Dragon Slayers were stunned into silence.

Guimel was the first one to laugh. ... And he was punished. Oooh, how he was punished.

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And that, my fellow fans or people is the ending!! MUAHAHAHA!!


End file.
